Trying to Make something of myself

You plus me is all there should ever be.

I feel the need to make you smile. I feel the need to make you laugh. I feel the need to make you happy. When you smile, i smile. When you laugh, i laugh. When you are happy…I am happy.

Girl you drive me wild, you drive me crazy.

Girls are fucking annoying. Why do i love them so much?

That desire to care about what happens between the two of us has completely gone away. It has become too much work. Just like my ability to care, I’m gone.

When I’m not with you, i don’t feel as complete as i feel when I’m with you. I don’t know what this means, but i think i like it.

Being a “player” and having multiple girls is fun and all, but all in all i just want that one girl. that one girl i can call mine. liking someone is the scariest thing to me. i like to pretend that i have no heart, but when it comes down to it, my heart is there. and its just like everyone elses. scared. confused. and wanting love.

Clothing should be optional 100% of the time… That would be the dream.

Today in church the pastor told us to “accept those who are different”  he even meant the gays. this made me really happy.

When it comes down to it, all i want is for that beautiful smile to be on that gorgeous face.

So a guy walks up to me today (who knows I’m gay) and starts hitting on me. I stop him in the middle of his sentence and say, “Excuse me, I’m a vagitarian….I don’t eat meat.” and walk away. That ended that.

I’m gay and so is my best friend….but we’re not dating. I mean come on people!

Someone says “fuck you” to me, i say “okay, your place or mine?”

A relationship is not a joke, a game, or something you do on your spare time.

Once you say yes to that one question the games come to an end.

By saying yes you have allowed them to put their heart into your hands

and playing with it and crushing it is not the way to handle it.

Handle it with care because you have the ability to do some damage.

Your words are like knives; every vowel every consonant causing the wound to get deeper and deeper.

Your words are like a whip; every syllable creating a new lash upon my back.

Your words are like a stake; every time you utter them, it goes farther and farther into my heart.

Your words torture me every time they are spoken.

So I ask you, please, please, don’t say another word.

Your eyes are like daggers; every time I look into them I go blind.

Your eyes are like ice; every time I see them my body goes cold.

Your eyes are like blades; every time they meet mine they cut me to pieces

Your eyes torture me every time I glance at them.

So I ask you, please, please, don’t lay them upon me again.

Your glares, your statements, they cause me pain.

I can’t take the hurt any longer.

So I ask you, please, please, just walk away.

Make all the wounds heal.

Make all the wounds turn into scars, so the only things left are memories.

So I ask you, please, please, just become a distant memory, instead of being my only kryptonite.

I locked the door to the building and started walking towards my car. I zipped up my jacket and got out my keys ready to unlock my car when I heard footsteps behind me. The person behind was trying to match my steps, their heals almost perfectly in sync with mine. I started to walk faster and faster as did she. Right when I was about to put unlock my car, a hand slid over my mouth. She pressed her body up against mine and pushed me up against my car. She moved her lips right up against my ear and said “I can’t take this any longer. You were right, I can’t resist you.” I finally realized who this was and smiled. She started to slide her hand down my body stopping at the top of my pants. She slowly slid her hand in my pants and started to rub, my legs started to tingle. But she was just teasing me; she quickly took her hand out of my pants and turned me around. She looked into my eyes and kissed me. While I was kissing her I shuffled my keys just trying to find a way to unlock this car. When I finally did she opened the back door and pushed me in.  I laid there on my back while she climbed on top of me and closed the door behind her. She began to kiss me again; she kissed me passionately with her long brown hair falling into my face. I slowly brought my hands to the back of her dress and began to unzip her and she did the same with my jacket. I then brought my hands to her shoulders, grabbed the straps, and brought them down exposing her skin. I finally got the dress completely off. She lay on top of me with just a red bra and thong on. She stopped kissing me and brought her body up right, expecting me to follow her and I did. She grabbed the top of my button down shirt and ripped it open, exposing my bare chest. She then began to kiss my neck then my breast while doing so she slowly brought her hands to my back and undid my bra then throwing it on the ground. She brought her lips to my nipples and licked them softly. Then she pushed me back on my back and started to unzip my pants.  While she was doing so she looked up at me and smiled at me. She grabbed the top of my pants and slid them down my legs and through them on the ground.

I looked up from my test feeling her eyes on me. She was sitting at her desk trying to focus on her job, yet she was distracted. Our eyes met and she quickly put her eyes back to the paper and I did the same. I tried to focus on my task at hand, but it was nearly impossible. The only thing I could think about was what I could say to her, just so I could speak to her. Maybe she could help me with something I was “struggling” with, but all of my ideas seemed silly. So I sat there, staring at my blank paper. The bell soon rang and I had got nothing accomplished, so I did not move. The room was soon empty, leaving only her and me. She looked up again only to meet my stare. This time neither one of us looked away, but sat locked in each other’s gaze. Her dark brown eyes were connected to my deep blue eyes. I stood up and walked towards her desk. I gave her my paper and she looked at me as if something was wrong then she held up my paper. I grabbed the paper and ripped it right through the center and said “never mind that.” and threw it in the trash can. She smiled at me, but then just as quickly as it came, it was wiped away. She suddenly realized what was happening and she grew scared. She turned her back to me and pretended to continue her work. So I walked up closely behind her and read over her shoulder while breathing on her neck. She looked down at her lap as if she was trying to keep herself together. I lifted my hand and placed it on her right shoulder and slid it down to her elbow. She let out a deep breath as bumps began to rise on her arms and then she quickly pulled her arm away. Feeling her confusion, I slowly brought my face closer to her, and rubbed the tip of my nose on the back of her ear, once again breathing heavily on the back of her neck. She began to breathe heavier and heavier as her heart started to pound harder and harder. The fight with desire was beginning to be too much for her, but she was strong and shrugged off my gesture. I then brought my lips to the side of her neck and kissed it softly. The hair stood up on the back of her neck. She slowly turned her chair around and looked me in the eyes. Not breaking the trance she lifted her arms, wrapped them around me, and pulled me closer to her. I opened my legs and sat on her lap. She slowly worked her hands up the sides of my body, making sure to touch every inch and then stopped at my jaw. She grabbed it and pulled my face to hers so our lips could meet. She kissed me hard and passionately like I had never been kissed before. I moved my hands up her torso and slowly began to massage her breasts, she groaned in pleasure. She began to kiss me harder her tongue dancing with mine like a beautiful ballet. She tasted like a delicious mint melting in my mouth. She began to bring her hands back down my body to the bottom of my shirt, then grabbed the edges and pulled my shirt off. Grabbing my lower back she pulled my hips closer to her body causing the rest of my body to lean back. She then kissed from below my breasts to the top of my neck repeatedly, stopping at my bra every time and licking underneath the cups. She released me from her grasp and I put my hands at the top of her button down shirt and began to slowly undo every button while kissing her skin as I did so. Once I had completely unbuttoned her shirt I pulled it back exposing her leopard print bra. I threw her shirt on the ground, hoping it would never return. I kissed her lips once again and then her neck. She then put her right hand on my chest and slowly brought it down my body causing my stomach to flex with pleasure. She brought her hand to the top of my jeans and grabbed my belt. Slowly she took the leather out of the loop and unzipped my jeans. Then she put her fingers at the top of my panties and kissed me once more, all while sliding her hand under my panties to stop in between my legs. I gasped with pleasure and she began her circle motions. She kissed me harder and harder and she began to push harder and harder. I began to get wetter and wetter causing it to feel better and better. The feelings inside of me started to build up more and more, to soon all release at once causing me to groan loudly while my legs and stomach shook. I rested my neck on her shoulder trying to control the intense feelings rushing through me. I let out one more groan as she finished and brought her hand up to her mouth and licked her fingers. I kissed her again and then stood up while bringing her with me. Locked to her lips I grabbed the back of her chair and shoved it away. I put my hands on her bum and lifted her up on her desk and started kissing her neck, then her chest, then her breasts, then her abs, and then her hips. She began to breathe heavier as she squirmed with sexual desire. I started back up her body and slowly moved my hands to her back and slid my hands under the clasp of her bra and then I undid it, exposing her breasts. I worked my lips down her body making sure to kiss every inch, and soon I stopped at the top of her jeans. I took both hands and released the button, followed by an unzip of the zipper. I put my hands at the top of her jeans and slowly started to slide them off of her legs. I finally made it to the end of her long legs and through her pants of the ground. I then worked my way back up her body, stopping at the neck, and then returning back down. I slowed at her panty line, put my hands on the sides and slid them down her legs. I returned back to her hips and began to kiss her lips. She let out an intense moan as I continued. My tongue started to go faster and faster while her legs began to shake. She raised her hands to her face, covering her eyes while she tried to control her emotions. She was breathing very heavy like she had just run a marathon. Her back arched as her abs started to flex followed by a loud groan then a gasp and she then began to rain. She grabbed my head and brought my face back to hers. I wiped my lips with my hand and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around my neck trying as hard as she could to get me as close to her as possible. I put my hands on the top of her desk and pushed to get closer to her. She kissed me harder and harder. She then pushed me back into her chair, spread her legs, and sat on my lap. We were face to face. She once again wrapped her arms around my neck, but this time she did not kiss me. She just stared into my eyes, stroking the hair out of my face. She kissed me softly, pulled back, and said to me “You drive me crazy.” I kissed her again and wrapped my arms around her body. I wasn’t about to let go of this moment, no matter what it took, and no matter what happened.